Choices

5th in a series of parenting inspiration from the weekly Torah portion, by Yosef Yitzchok Hodakov

This week's Torah portion, Re'ei, opens with Moses' words: See, I set before you today a blessing and a curse. The blessing is associated with heeding the commandments of G-d, and the opposite, well, is the opposite.

In raising children, it is imperative that - from the earliest age - they learn that there is a right and wrong, good and evil. (My three year old sometimes doesn't understand that concept. "But I WAAAAAAAANT", he says).

Now, what is good for one person, may be bad for someone else. You wouldn't serve steak to a week-old baby, or baby formula to a teenager. You wouldn't force someone with 20/20 vision to wear strong glasses when driving, or admit yourself to surgery if you didn't need it.

Yet, in every instance, there is a right and wrong. Knowing there there is a choice is the first step to being able to make the right one.

Shabbat Shalom.

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WHEN ONE OF THE “STATUES” CAME ALIVE!

A summer memory, with a lesson for young, and (another lesson for) old

By Yosef Yitzchok Hodakov

There was one weekend every summer during which camp took on a most festive atmosphere. Honoring the Yohrtzeit of the Rebbe’s father, esteemed pulpit rabbis and venerated scholars would descend upon our little world at Camp Gan Israel in Parksville, NY, for “Yarchei Kallah”, sometime near the 20^th of Av.

As the years passed, I came to understand that they had come together to learn and share and debate and plan and discuss matters of Torah and issues of great concern to the Jewish world. They sometimes convened in closed room sessions, and all we were allowed to do was stand at a distance and watch the animated discussions through the window.

However, as a younger child, I didn’t fully appreciate the moment. We kids were simply excited to see all the preparations, we were happy to know that the indoor pool would most certainly be heated, and we were eager to sneak a peek in the upper floors of “the Beth”, a building with hotel rooms reserved for special occasions such as this, overlooking the scenic Catskill mountains…

* * *

Now, while Lunchtime on Friday afternoons was at the same time as every other weekday, Friday night Shabbos dinner would not begin until much later than usual, after a lengthy and lively Kabolas Shabbos. And so, hungry and tired, I sat there and looked to the front of the Shul…

The visiting rabbis sat there on a dais facing us, their faces serious and somber, looking like statues chiseled out of stone. Maybe they too were hungry and tired.

And after Davening, we respectfully filed by these honored sages, bunk by bunk, to extend and receive Shabbos greetings. Most of them held their hands stretched across the table somewhat limply, quietly allowing us to touch, hold, or shake their hands, or fingertips, as we wished.

Although I realize now that some of them could not have been much older than I am now, to me they seemed ancient at that time, and inhabiting another, parallel universe.

* * *

At some point, we were told that we would have the good fortune of being addressed by one of the rabbis. I can’t say that I was enthused. But then, on Shabbos morning, after Krias Hatorah, one of the Rabbis was introduced to us, and he SPOKE! Not only did he speak, he spoke in perfect ENGLISH. And, he was ANIMATED! He walked up and down the aisle and captivated us with his talk.

I do not remember what it was that the late Rabbi Hershel Fogelman o.b.m. – the Rebbe’s longtime Shliach in Worcester, Massachusets – told us that Shabbos morning, but all these years later I am still moved by his energy, the passion with which he spoke, and how he related to us, kids. He was ALIVE!

* * *

I am sharing this anecdote with you because I believe that it carries a dual lesson.

Those who might feel like they have no one to look up to, no one older and wiser who can relate to them, should know that it simply isn’t true. While all them old folks might seem like stone statues, find the right one, and you will discover that they are alive, energized, and inspired enough to inspire you as well.

And those who might feel like they themselves are old and dry like stone, and that they have nothing to say to the younger generation, should know that the youth are open and thirsty to listen and absorb and be inspired if you only come alive and give of yourself.

My Student Taught Me A Lesson

The story is told of a doctor who got up to speak at a medical conference. As he approached the podium, he realized, to his horror, that he was unable to read his own handwritten notes. He looked around the room, coughed nervously, and asked, “Is there a pharmacist in the house?”

*****

As a teacher, I try to give my students the benefit of the doubt.

When grading tests, I am often faced first with the challenge of deciphering a student’s handwriting, then trying to decode what the student actually meant, and finally, if and how it answers the question I asked.

At times, I must ask myself: Did the student misunderstand what I asked? Perhaps they had difficulty transposing their knowledge into written words? Were they answering another question on the wrong line? Or, did they simply not know the material?

Recently, on a Navi test, I asked what brought Dovid to Shaul Hamelech’s palace in the first place. One student wrote: It is on the other side.

This cryptic statement certainly did not answer the question I had asked. What was "it"? I searched the rest of his test paper for clues, and then turned the page over. There, “on the other side”, he had written that Dovid had been invited to play the harp, to help raise Shaul’s spirits.

Oh.

*****

In this week’s Parsha, Shelach, the spies misunderstand events that were created for their own advantage, and present them as threats (see Rashi, Bamidbar 13:32).

Every day, we interact with other people.

Often, people say or do things that might “rub us the wrong way”. They seem to be just plain wrong, or, at best, completely incoherent, irrelevant, and out of place.

We would do well to remember the lesson my student taught me that day. To find the answer, we may have to turn over the page, and look at the other side.

If we pause for a moment (before clicking on the reply or send button), and think it through, we may find a better way of understanding what they really meant (hopefully it doesn’t turn out to be worse than what you first understood it to mean).

Sometimes the answer is simply on the other side.

We owe it to ourselves, and the other, to at least look for it. Hopefully, we find it.

Shabbat Shalom.

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ROCKS AND KIDS: Hit them or talk to them?

The story is told of a farmer who swore that he never had to use force to get his animals to work. On occasion, he admitted, he might have to hit a mule over the head with a 2x4 “just to get their attention”. Then, however, he’d quietly tell them what to do, and they’d listen…

* * *

Not long after leaving Egypt, the people complained that there was no water to drink. G-d told Moshe to take his staff and strike the rock. Water would come forth, and the people would drink (Shemos 17:6).

Some 40 years later, after Miriam’s passing, the water stops flowing and, again, the people complained. This time, however, G-d told Moshe to take his staff and talk to the rock. Once again, water would come forth, and the people would drink (Bamidbar 20:8).

Classic and contemporary commentaries offer many layers of meaning in G-d's varying instructions. Whatever the explanation, my point is that the objective was the same - providing the people with water to drink. The method of achieving it was different.

* * *

In this week's Torah portion, Yisro, we learn of Moshe sitting alone from morning to night, himself ministering to all the people. To ease the burden (for both Moshe and the people), Yisro recommended creating a judicial system.

Moshe is open to the suggestion, and Yisro understands that this could only happen if G-d agrees (Shemos 18:23).

The objective was the same - providing answers and guidance to the people. The method of achieving would be different.

* * *

As parents and educators, we should think about these episodes.

It is because our goals in raising our children remain the same, rooted in a commitment to G-d and his Torah, that the methods we employ to reach those goals must always be reconsidered.

Think about it.

* * *

Have a wonderful Shabbos.

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What Kind of Person Are YOU?

First, a couple of anecdotes to put things in perspective.

A politician once asked a rabbi, Why it was that whenever he, the politician, gets up to speak, he shares words of Torah, but the rabbi was always talking politics?

The rabbi responded, It's simply human nature. People like to talk about things they know nothing about!

* * *

A congregant asked his rabbi, Why you are always talking to me about money, while other rabbis talk about Torah?

The rabbi explained, Other rabbis talk about Torah, while worrying about money. I'm talking about money, because I am thinking of how to teach more Torah!

* * *

Knowing precious little about politics, I choose not to discuss it here. Please understand that while I am writing in context of heated political context, what I am sharing is not political. It is moral, ethical, and right. I think.

One week into Trump's presidency, the sky has not yet fallen (at least not here, in Florida). Nor has the Messiah arrived (even here, in Florida).

Time will tell if there was any reason to either fast, or feast, on the day of his inauguration, as some friends tried to convince me.

Meanwhile, consider the following.

On the Shabbos before the inauguration, in the Torah portion of Vayechi, Yaakov (Jacob) requested from his son Yosef (Joseph) to ensure that he would be buried in Israel. Our Patriarch, Yaakov Avinu, the father, bowed to Yosef, his son. Rashi (Breishis 47:31) comments that although the lion is king, when it is the time of the fox, you bow down to him.

On the Shabbos immediately following the inauguration, in the Torah portion of Shemos, Moshe and Aharon first asked the Pharaoh to allow the Jewish people to go and serve G-d "lest he strike us with a plague or with the sword." Again, Rashi (Shemos 5:3) explains, they should have said "lest He strike you", but they imparted honor to the throne, and spoke respectfully.

Finally, in this week’s Torah portion, Va'eira, after being rebuffed by the Pharaoh, G-d instructs Moshe and Aharon to continue to speak to his respectfully (see 6:13, and Rashi).

* * *

Whatever you think of Trump, even in comparison or contrast to the Pharaoh, he is the president of these great United States of America. It behooves us all to treat him with respect.

Furthermore, as I often tell my students, how you behave towards others is not only a reflection of what you think of them, but a reflection of your own self.

Never mind what you think of Mr. Trump as a person or as president.

What kind of person are YOU?

Have a wonderful Shabbos,

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